Date: December 5
Days until Solstice: 17
Amount of goat sacrificed: 1/12
A message from our cult leader:
Are you tired of the saccharine plastic "cheer" that is being puked on you from every mall, television, radio show and billboard? Does hearing Christmas music when you're placed on hold drive you insane? Disgusted with the hordes scrambling to gorge themselves on the feast of commercialism, spouting "goodwill" while they elbow and trample each other to snap up the latest shiny object to make themselves feel more special than their friends?
We can help.
We are the cult of Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of a Thousand Young. We do not exist to bring peace, love, and joy to the universe. We seek to summon unimaginable horrors from worlds beyond understanding so that they can wreak havok on the world and remove the scourge of humanity from this earth.
On the solstice, December 21, 2009, we will sacrifice a goat to Shub-Niggurath and beg Her to spread Her hideous madness across the globe.
But to do it, we need your help. We need a goat - not just any goat, mind you, a special goat - a goat that is pure, a goat that is the most exquisite expression of goodwill available. Virgins are old hat. Sacrificial standards have gone up since the middle ages. We need a goat that is gifted with the greatest honour, kindness and love available, and gifted with the greatest altruism possible, to someone the giver does not know, will never meet and can never get anything from in return. We need to sacrifice a goat through www.heifer.org
No other goat will do.
And further, the goat can not come from one person. It must come from twelve different people each giving a share of it, each donating $10 to the cause.
That is why we need you, reader of this blog page. We need you to help us sacrifice our goat to call forth the darkest mind-shattering creature that is beyond all human understanding.
To help us directly:
1. Go to http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.2529663/
2. Buy a $10 share of a goat
3. Comment here to let us know you have done so
To help us indirectly:
1. Tell at least ten people about our cause
2. Comment here to let us know you have done so in order for us to mention you in our prayers
There is no way for us to verify the truth of your statements, nor do we care who you are (feel free to comment anonymously), but please don't lie. Shub-Niggurath isn't known for Her sense of humour.
This holiday season, do something meaningful - help us summon Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of a Thousand Young, so that She can smite and devour every living thing on earth.
Today we received our first donation from funkyturtle
. We need 11 more donors before December 21. Are you willing to make a difference? Comment and tell us what you have done to help the cause.